Letter to my FATHER.
I miss you.
So after the chatting and social media perusing that lasted deep into the midnight hours, I just realized how empty and unfulfilled I have grown.
I began to reminisce with the soft tone of Kirk Franklin’s song “my world needs you” that I dug out from my music archive. Yeah I literally dug it out, cos I can’t remember when last I played it on my phone. I remember those times we still spoke together, the time I dreamt dreams that fueled my existence. I remember how I spoke to you and you responded like a father and a friend.
You were my definition of love. Always there to hold me and never left. I remember how I studied at your feet and studying You was all that mattered, you were both my first resort and my last bus stop.
I truly miss the relationship with you. Now I sleep until mama calls and forgot how I always had a quiet time before the first cook crowed. Your book sits dusty, staring at me, yet I just can’t get myself to pick up, I even got a digital version but it didn’t change much. I now have more of those songs I did away with those days; Songs of your love are getting scarce within me. My former self wouldn’t listen to echoes of what I nod my head to now and the videos, hmm… I have watched even more.
I let my weakness drive me away from you. even in that you still came time and time again to reignite me and to tell me you were still much around, but I grew so daft that I couldn’t hear so cold that I couldn’t feel and my eyes dim that I can barely make out the green light you keep showing me.
Tonight I just want take a moment to tell you how much I miss you.. my life is just there. confusion has become my middle name, I’ve been indifferent to what You abhor, not to mention that the errand you sent me is yet to be done.. I left because I felt unfit to be called the least of your sons and friends.
Tonight I was able to feel a rub and in its strength I want to say to you that I’m tired of being afraid, I love you and miss you. My heart cry is that my world needs you right now come fill up this space in my heart and show me your face..