This cool evening, I lay on my bed. Ear buds in, phone in hand and steadfastly tethered to the wall socket by my charger. ” Lauren Daigle’s you say” been on repeat for quite a while. There’s Something about this song, it feels like she’s talking about me; especially the first few lines.
“I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough. Everysingle lie that tells me I will never measure up. Am I more than just a sum of every high and every low. Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know”
The voices were so loud that I became scared, scared of failure. All I’ve always wanted was to be known for something, to have a sense of belonging, to be a master of at least one trade just like every other successful young person. But all I have in my hands is insecurity and that dreadful feeling that I’d never measure up.
I second-guess everything; myself, reality, even divinity isn’t left out. I’m often lost in thought, my downcast mind restlessly producing depressing thoughts.
I kept asking myself what am I good at? Being good at Something would atleast give me some confidence and a sense of self worth. Being good at Somthing would be my redemption.
I had better look around and draw inspiration.
Could I be like Shola the programmer?he’s the Ecclesiastes kinda guy and seems to have everything figured. Hmmm.
Or could i be like Nony whose understanding and pursuit of passion has set a bar I fear I could never attain.
There’s also Alex, his financial intelligence and Prudence makes a simple saver like me feel reckless.
No speaking of Tochi, the holistic politician whose intelligence, creativity, people relations and pace of learning is just wow.
Chai, see Musa a blossoming sound engineer, cool calm and collected with vast knowledge and attention to details.
See Richard sef, super cool, organized, business inclined.
How about my friend AB, very smart humble and never gives up on love.
There’s the likes of Mercy and Olaoluwa those ones are deep thinkers.
I want to be like Israel for his perfectionism.
My senior friends aren’t left out, the likes of Bro Paul, Segun, Ibrahim whose prayer lives and spirituality are standards set in rock .
The list goes on and on… Everyone seems perfect, strong and already made, why is it that all I see in myself are lapses that needed fixing?.
This was a couple of years ago. Now, when I look back all I can do is smile and reminisce about those days that I didn’t know better.
I tried and tried all I could back then but only ended up being second-best while feeling fake all the way, it was a lose lose scenario for me. A big chunk of my personality was hidden as I strived to be like other people I admire; constantly compromising and striving to live up to the standards of others.
So in a bout of self inflicted depression I took out some time to reflect on myself. And that was when I hit the realization; an elephant trying to live the life of a lion would ignore grass and eventually die of starvation.
Permit me to ask what is your insecurity? what weakens your confidence ? What has made you feel not qualified? Don’t be discouraged.
Here are some truths about life I have learnt:
● No one can be like you
● You can’t be like any or everyone
● If you imitate, you only end up being second best.
● You got abilities and potentials
● There is always something to learn, you can’t know it all.
You will always see people you feel are better than you, people who have gotten to where you’re still dreaming about. Your best bet is to learn from them, plan your own course and keep on pressing.
In breaking away from your insecurity you need to adopt the following points into your mindset;
1. Learn to accept, love and value yourself.
2. Appreciate the laws of growth, the process of time and the gift of practice
3. Understanding and living by your purpose is a sure way to happiness and fulfillment.
I have learnt that not all of us will do big and great things; but we can all do little things in great ways 😉. I have learnt to live within the jurisdiction of my purpose while worrying less about changing the world, curing cancer and ending world hunger. I have learnt to work with the confidence of greatness within me.
Now you know, so fight your insecurity, triumph over it and walk into a realm of Mental freedom and self confidence.